1. EVERYONE HAS OPINIONS.
And for some reason, we think we should listen to them. Which takes me to #2…..
2. NOTHING WORKS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE.
So, those opinions… ehhh. Take them with a grain of salt. What worked for Karen may not be the best for you and your family.
3. YOU’RE ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN.
Pretty sure this one doesn’t need an explanation. It’s terrifying enough on its own.
4. THERE ARE 1000s OF PARENTING BOOKS.
And they all suck. Really…none of them work. While you were just reading about how to stop Jimmy from eating crayons, he just wrote his own novel on the wall.
5. UHH SLEEP? WHAT’S THAT?
Zzzzzz…..sorry. Must’ve dozed off.
6. ALSO…WHAT’S A CLEAN HOUSE?
And why does it have to be? I mean, really…you live there. And how often is anyone going to show up to your house unannounced and uninvited (especially if they care about the cleanliness of your house?) If they do, you need new friends.
7. YOU STILL HAVE TO USE, LIKE, YOUR BRAIN & STUFF.
Sure, Mrs. Thompson, I remember how to add, multiply, and create the architectural blueprint for Chicago’s latest skyscraper. It’s not like my children sucked all of the gray matter from my brain.
8. THERE ARE TIMES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’LL NEVER SEE THE OUTSIDE AGAIN.
Because, germs. Especially winter germs when you can’t open your windows to get any fresh air unless you want a $400 heat bill or to have a snowball fight in your living room.
9. REMEMBER WHEN YOU COULD PEE IN PEACE?
Yeah, me either. Oh, and showers? First of all, if you can get one, sweet! If you can get one without SOMEONE busting in on you, teach me your ways.
10. IS IT COOL TO PUT “SNACK MANAGER” ON YOUR RESUME?
I mean, that’s a pretty demanding job. It takes a lot of patience, focus, and negotiation. You might even be qualified to be a hostage negotiator after that!
BUT, I’m going to tell you something. As long as you’re you, and do the best you can, kids don’t care about any of this. They mostly just want their moms to be there, present with them. It’s hard to think about in the moment, but what are the things they’re going to remember when they’re grown? The one reason it’s all worth it, is that they don’t ever stop with the unconditional love.